A Quiet Night

Some years ago I was single again and dating again This night I had been out on a date. it had been great night. I got home at about 11pm.

I am a light sleeper and about 1 to 1:30 am I heard some noise in the house and some lights flashing.

I was close to the road and thought it was some activity on the road. So I rolled over and tried to sleep.

But then I heard the noise and saw light again. I think I have a visitor.

My bedroom joins a small hallway and the lounge is opposite .

I’m going to have to get up and challenge this intruder, in my undies and singlet. No time for formalities. As I’m tip toeing on carpet towards the lounge door I am thinking when he comes through the door way , I’ll ankle tap him and then kick him when he’s down. The courtroom drama yes your honour my client was brutally assaulted in an unprovoked attack.

Hmmm. Now my skin is goose-bumped and ready for anything . I put head into the doorway and say
“Hey what are you doing?”

“I’ve just come to collect my mates stuff”. This dark figure emerges and from the dark. The street light s shines on this huge man with the classic , Balaclava and bag on the back and all black. I guess he didn’t want his mate to recognise him if he was even here!

There goes all thoughts of my beating this guy.

“Your mate doesn’t live here”

He strides right passed me real casually . Arguing still that “this is the place”

“Well lets talk about this place and what’s your name?”

It’s a small house we already through the back door now and I can’t make out his replies. I’m just glad he’s getting outta here.

I’m at the back door and he’s smashed the laundry light that I switched on behind so I still can’t get a look. He is white though, and he has a moustache.

By the time I get to the door. He’s mounting the neighbours fence to scarper.
Already I’m turning on my heels and back to the kitchen to ring the cops.

“your in luck there’s a dog handler in your neighbourhood right now”.

The burglar runs into him almost while I’m on the phone…Yeah yeah we got him”

In about 5 minutes . I have 6 cops arrive and the dog handler has the guy in his van.

The others come in and they bring the bag of stuff in and start emptying the stuff …

Yes it’s all mine ….we gotta take this in evidence…”Hang on. Can I get my car and house keys from my jacket pocket”

All good. I make them all a cup of tea . Extra sugar for me to calm the goosebumps.

We’re chatting and someone’s taking notes. “Quite night? ..This was a pleasing but unexpected response. “

Yes was the reply…then “ksssh” goes the radio phone – “there’s a massive (95) break in , in progress”. They all disappear into the night. With my jackets and my burglar who was just quietly looking for his mates stuff.

It took a while after this night to have a real quiet night again.

Love thy Neighbour

A house renovation that gave new meaning to love thy Neighbour
The poodle walker.
Week 1 – Demolition. the driveway and garage have gone
Week 2 a call from the builder – Troy. “Don the Council are on site and the police are on their way”
I arrive.. there’s a massive trailer almost blocking the street, packed with dirt and building material.
I park up, as I’m walking to the site.. A neighbour
Walks by with his poodle. We have never met. I say “good morning” with pride cos
I’m the guy building this beautiful home.
“when are you getting rid of the fucking asbestos.” Was his reply.
Troy greets me.
“There’s been a complaint. The council has an asbestos inspection going on now.
All work stops” . “And the cop?” I’m not sure but its regarding the asbestos. Will let you know.
“All’s good Don” Troy assures me. “There was no sign of asbestos when I priced the job” . “the Architect had checked also.”
Have to wait for a few days for the results .
I leave thinking about the enormous trailer and the poodle walker.

Those Teeth
Week 3. Another early call from Troy.
“ get down here your neighbour is going ballistic.”
Works halted… “can’t you sort it.? “
“No you better…”
That big trailer has gone …a digger Is excavating in the front where the new garage is going.. “we’re excavating right on the neighbours boundary.”
Troy ..tells me . But there’s more. Each morning the corner pegs had been removed. Start again each day for 3 or 4 days.
Some one is pissed. I’m about to meet Neil and Denise.
As Troy and I approach the boundary . I say with pride cos I’m the guy
Building this beautiful house. “Good morning” . Then Denise retorts.

Oh you’re a fucking vhhhjjh , expletives , bully fuck.
Flowers you c word …my ffff bulbs ….I breathe in …[Those teeth.
It’s like American gothic zombie Apocalypse]. “ you fucking arrogant”””
She goes on …[How does she chew I’m thinking, with those teeth.?]
I’m wiping the spit off my face.
Translation. “ My garden of bulbs and flowers Is gonna be wrecked by your building.
“let me say first of all. We’re gonna be neighbours for 30 yrs more or less.
“Let’s find a way forward. Or its gonna be a long 30 years for us all”
I go and huddle with Troy and clean up my face.
Troy’s got an idea. Let’s scoop up the garden keeping it whole with our digger.
And put it your front yard then return it with new top soil as a living garden when we finish the build
She wants this in writing by 7:30 am the next day.
I’m there at 7:25 am to give it in writing. “Good morning”
Those teeth are more calm .. “you’ll be hearing from my ffn lawyer. “ snatching the letter

11:30 ring from Neil she wants you to put
10k into an escew account. I say no. My offer is the best I can offer.
He accepts.
I go tell Troy the good news and he has some for me
The Demo guy was working odd hours.
At 3 to 5 am. The trailer had asbestos from other jobs. The cops had
Complaints on him. He moved his trailer to an access way behind the
Local shops and pissed off more of the neighbourhood
We wrote a letter to each household in our street,apologising and inviting all to the house warming. One should love thy neigbour.